A Nut
by it2
Summary: Weird, funny, call it what you like...it's a parody!
1. Default Chapter Title

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A/N - This is a wonderful love scene between Izzy and Mimi…::a cat comes behind it2 and hits it2's head with mouse:: hel….lkjlk 

HELLO…I AM MEEKO. Now this fic is under my control. Don't you dare press that back button and stop eating! I have my fellow feline friends around your place as we speak. I wouldn't turn around if I were you…MEOW! Now this fic is now a parody. YOU. WILL. LOVE. IT. Now read…

::it2 mumbles something about crazy clowns:: THAT GIRL! ::Meeko puts a sock in it2's mouth::

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"I'm hungry…" whined Mimi for the third time.

"Tai, stop! We are now going to find food, GOT IT!" argued Joe.

"No! We have to go find the 8th child. The fate of the world lies in our hands…" Tai was ranting on.

Sora rolls her eyes and asks Mimi for a comb. Sora uses the comb on Tai's head.

THUD!

Tai drops to the ground.

"It's about time?!" yells Agumon.

The group leaves Tai alone on the floor. They wander through the trees and bushes. 

"Find anything Mimi?" asks Sora, placing a hand on her hip.

"NO! Gosh, I was painting my nails. I'm not some animal you now." Mimi says, "Do you think Berry Pink is a good look for me, Joe?"

"You're asking me?"

"Of course silly! Don't think I didn't see you putting my lipstick on the other night?!" giggles Mimi, "Berry Pink or Rosy Pink?" 

Joe turns several shades of pink himself.

"Joe did you use my Pink powder again?" Mimi asks when Joe's face turn bright Red.

"Joe I'm shocked!" Gomamon tells Joe.

"I didn--"

"--Now why on Earth didn't you invite me…don't you know that I care for you, like only a mother would?" Gomamon asks, placing a hand-paw on his chest. 

Gomamon jumps down from the rock he was on and walks towards Palmon and Biyomon, "So ladies, wanna go for spin along the forest?"

The two Digimon blush.

"Back off Goma-dork! Palmon is mine…Grrr…" barked Tentomon. 

"Ya, and Biyomon is mine!" Agumon moved in-between Biyomon and Gomamon.

"What a bunch of fools." hissed Gatomon and walked off.

Gabumon stepped in. "Come on guys don't fight…please be nice to each other. I'm sure we can come to some agreement?" Much to his displeasure, they kept quarreling.

The Digidestined were too busy to take any notice of their wrangling Digimon. Mimi was painting her nails and taking to Joe, making him blush extremely. Sora was off grabbing Tai by his large hair and carrying him off into a cave, for reasons unknown. Matt was playing his harmonica by a small lake, wishing for another person to drop out of the sky, hopefully a pretty girl. Izzy was busy working on his pineapple yellow laptop. T.K. and Kari were throwing rocks at a lake, trying to see who could throw farther than the other. Eventually, they got into an argument about who was the better brother and went off to find their Digimon.

"I'm telling you Joe, it was you who I saw trying on my makeup!" 

"It was probably a dream Mimi…he...haha…" 

All of a sudden, Mimi got this crazy idea! 

"Hey Joe…come here, big boy." She winked.

Joe stared at her is disgust. Mimi patted the rock next to her and motioned Joe to come.

"Don't worry I don't bite…much hehe!" she giggled

This girl is weird, more so then usual Joe thought.

Finally Mimi got tried and lunged for him. Joe tried to move out of the way, but Mimi caught his feet. The whole time, Mimi was cracking up. Unknown to Joe was her motivates, but he would soon find out…

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Inside the dark cave…

"Wake up Tai…Tai?" Sora poked him, and shook him, and even threw water on his face, but still nothing would wake him up.

When Sora wasn't looking Tai peeked out. The darn kid was awake. Too bad Sora didn't know or she wouldn't have done it.

Sora had to do it. Her moms always told her of stories were the prince would kiss the girl and she would wake up. Only this time she would have to be the prince. Sora slowly moved her head down. When she placed her lips on top of Tai's, Tai's eyes shoot open. Then Tai, being a boy, kissed Sora back before she could get away.

"TAI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sora's screams echoed through the cave. Sora lunged at Tai with all her might, but missed.

"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me!" Tai said as he puckered up his lips as he ran.

Sora chased Tai up and around rocks. Splashing through puddles of water.

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Outside the cave, Kari and T.K. were getting ready to rumble.

"Tai is such a better brother, and Gatomon here is going to prove it, right Gatomon?" Kari mocked sticking out her tongue.

"Well…well Patamon here is gonna prove that Matt is a better brother, so there!" T.K. pushed Patamon towards Gatomon.

"T.K.!"

"KARI!"

"Come on Patamon, don't you wanna prove that Matt is the better brother?" he asked.

"T.K. every brother is different. You can't just say that Matt is the best." Patamon said in his motherly manner.

"Ya Kari, anyway, I'm not wasting my time fighting a pointless battle. Weren't you guys just hungry a minute ago?" Gatomon purred.

"We still, are but no one found any food…" Kari said.

"Why don't we keep looking?" suggested T.K., holding his hand for a truce.

Kari agreed. So, T.K., Kari, Patamon, and Gatomon went off into the forest without telling anyone. Boy was that a huge mistake!

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A/N - You like? ::it2 wakes up, spits sock out, and tries to grab Meeko:: I'm to fast! ::Meeko traps it2 in a cage:: "What about scho…what about food?!" Humph! Try some of that nasty cat food you feed me! "Don't tell me you're going to continue?" You bet Mel… "Don't say my name you freak!" ::Meeko calls in the other cats and they help to tie it2 up:: 

As for you people out there, tell what ya think. Should it2 stay alive? Should I make this even funnier, in other words insane, or should I tone the humor down a bit? 

"You don't have any humor! Meeko when I get out, I'm taking you to the V.E.T."

Pip down! As I was saying…I'll take anything ya got, good and bad. 


	2. Default Chapter Title

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A/N - I'm back, yes me, Meeko. Some how it2 escaped, but that doesn't matter. I have the computer. I didn't mention the ages, so here they are:

Tai - 14  
Sora - 14  
Matt - 14  
Mimi - 13  
Izzy - 13  
Joe - 15  
T.K. - 8  
Kari - 8

  
_On to the fic… _

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"Tentomon, can you help me here for a sec?"

"Sorry Izzy, but I got a date!" Tentomon winks at Palmon.

"CENSORED THIS! I'm gonna go find me a girl too!" Izzy changed into an extra change of clothes. He changed from his usual attire into something he could sag in. He was also wearing a red ball cap backwards and his shirt said, "Kiss My Ass!"

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Inside the dark cave…

Sora had Tai by his throat. "Say. You're. Sorry." 

Tai pointed to his throat. Sora let go, but just enough for Tai to talk, "NO!"

"That's it you spoiled brat!" Sora grabs some magical rope that appeared out of thin air and a rag. She ties him to a nearby pillar-shaped rock and stuffs his mouth with the rag. 

"Sorcha ya donat wan bo do ciss!" Tai mumbled. Sora you don't want to do this

Sora pulls out a CD player "Thanks to Izzy I got this CD with Britney Spears and Barney songs…just for you Tai!"

"NOOOMMMM!"

"What's that Tai?" Sora pulls out the rag.

"Sora! Don't! Please…I'll never do anything like that again!"

"Well……I guess-- ::Tai nods his head:: --NOT!"

Tai is about to scream, but Sora puts the rag back in. She puts the headphones on Tai's head and presses play.

"I love you, You love me…"

"Don't worry Tai…just a couple more hours to go." 

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Around the lake…

Matt stops playing his harmonica. He hears a strange noise behind him. He walks up to where the noise is and sees Joe tied up and Mimi getting ready to put him in drag.

Mimi turns around and sees Matt, her lil sweetie pie! "Hi Matt, wanna join?" she asks cheerfully.

Joe gives him the "help me!" look, but Matt just shakes his head and turns away.

"Now I've seen it all!" he declares, "Poor Joe, I better go find that player Gomamon to come save him. I wish I could be a player…"

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"Hey Biyomon wanna see the stars, but then again, why look at the stars when your eyes are much more beautiful." Gomamon said before Agumon punched him.

"Pepper Breath!" Agumon attacked, "I don't think your lil fish could do any better?!"

"Come on guys, stop fighting! If you want you can both take me on a date and whoever I like best will become my boyfriend." Biyomon told the two.

"Fine." Agumon walks away from Gomamon. 

"I'll go first!" Gomamon takes Biyomon by the arm…er…wing and they continue to walk off. 

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"It's official, I'm in hell--"

"Hey Gatomon!" yells T.K.

"--llo T.K.!" 

"That was a weird hello?" T.K. said.

"T.K. she was gonna say hell…" 

T.K gasps! "You said a bad word! I'm gonna tell Tai!"

"Ah quit you're whining, Tai says them all the time! Like CENSORED and you son of a CENSORED!"

T.K. just stares at Kari. 

Patamon takes T.K. away, who still seems to be in shock because of the words Kari said.

"The poor simple minded fool…" Kari shakes her head and continues to keep looking for food.

"Hey Kari! Look, I found a nut!" Gatomon exclaims, as she holds up the small nut.

"Um…Gatomon how are you going to open it?" 

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A/N - AH! ::it2 punches Meeko:: Hisssss! *Scratch* 

"Gimme my computer back! I need the Internet and fanfiction!" 

::it2 throws cats out of house, with the help of a few dogs and hoses of water::


	3. Default Chapter Title

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A/N ~~ Sorry folks, I haven't written anything due to a huge writer's block and frankly I just haven't had any free time. 

In addition, I changed rooms & computers… I got the outdated one! Sadly, this computer doesn't have the Internet…ugh…

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Disclaimer ~~ ::it2 raises right hand:: I do not own Digimon and affiliates. 

Okay, my cat, Meeko, and me have decided to share the computer…for now.

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Meeko: Yes ladies and gentlemen. The cat is back!

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it2: Oh gee, I'm sure they adore you! 

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Meeko: You're asking for it.

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it2: Ahem, but who's the pet around here?

Meeko: That's it, I'm sick of being treated like a second class citizen! Grrr….

::skip to action scene:: 

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Spider that lives in the corner: Meeko and it2 chase each other, but it2 has a sore leg and Meeko is able to capture it2 again! 

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it2: Darn it! This was supposed to be my fic!! Where's my freakin' lawyer!

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Meeko: Muhahahhaha!!!

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On to the fic… 

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"So how are we going to crack the nut open, Gatomon?" Kari asks for the second time.

Let's bring some more nuts back with us," Gatomon begins, as she picks up more nuts.

"So there we can figure out how to open them? Why not just blast them open?" Patamon suggests.

"Right, like your boom bubble attach will really make a difference," Gatomon says sarcastically.

"Are you saying my attack is weak, CENSORED!"

Gatomon glares at Patamon, "Listen, Piggy!" Gatomon points a claw at Patamon. "You better shut your mouth before I smack you!"

In the distance, Kari is cheering for Gatomon. She's singing, "Gatomon can kick your butt, so you better shut the CENSORED up!" 

T.K. breaks his silence as he calls Kari, "Uh…Kari!"

"What is it T.K.? I'm trying to watch a fight here!" she yells back.

"You want nuts?" asks a voice out of nowhere.

"Yeah! I'm freakin' starved here!" Kari looks behind her and gasps, "Holy CENSORED! Hey guys look at that fat ass man with a bunch of nuts behind him!"

Gatomon and Patamon stop bickering with each and look at where Kari is pointing.

"Hello boys and girls and Digimon!" says the fat man.

"It's a nerd, run everyone!" shouts T.K.

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Tai is trapped with a psycho Sora inside a cave listening to Britney Spears and (dare I even mention it) Barney. 

"I'm screwed! I knew a person can't be nice all the time," Tai thought to himself.

An hour goes by and Sora leaves, but Tai is knocked unconscious by the music.

Snip! Snip! Buzzzz!

"Now doesn't your hair look much better!" Sora says, as she hands Tai a mirror.

"MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!" Tai screams.

"Come on, don't be such a big baby. You really needed a hair cut," Sora says explaining to the hysterical Tai, "Trust me it was either me that was gonna cut your hair or an evil Digimon. We were all getting tried of your huge hair."

"Whatever," Tai says walking out of the cave. "That hair was my trademark, just to let you know."

With the last remark Sora bursts out laughing, "Your trademark, oh that's a good one!"

"Girl, you better cut it our or your gonna get spanked like a three year old at K-Mart!"

Sora shakes her head, "To much Britney Spears. I should have gone with more Barney." 

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Palmon and Tentomon are walking around the woods talking about if they should get life insurance.

"Well I think we should, I mean just look at the monsters we have to fight plus we have to take care of a bunch kids."

"But wasn't that in our contract?" Palmon asks him. Palmon and Tentomon pull out a large packet of papers.

"Look at section E 12," Palmon says flipping through the papers.

"Sorry, but that's not in my contract."

"What?! Those CENSORED lawyers cheated me!!" Palmon raged.

"Who's your agent?"

"Bob," she replied.

"Ah, I know him. What a lowlife scum. Bill is better, trust me." 

"Could you step up a meeting for me, Tentomon," Palmon says to Tentomon, fluttering her eyes.

"I'm sure I could. Now let's continue with our date," Tentomon tells Palmon and they continue to walk on the path.

Further up the path they meet Gomamon and Biyomon.

"Oh hey guys!" calls Biyomon.

"Me AND Biyomon are on a DATE," Gomamon says looking behind him, "Not her and AGUMON!" 

Suddenly the bushes start to shake and Agumon jumps out. "Time's up! Come on Biyomon."

"No it's not," Gomamon replies.

"That's it! I've had enough of both of you. I'm going with Tentomon."

Tentomon is shocked for a moment but then says to Agumon and Gomamon, "Can't win them all boys, see ya!"

Tentomon, Palmon, and Biyomon start down the path and leave Agumon and Gomamon alone.

"I can't believe this, she dumped me for the ugly nerd. This never happens to me. I'm always the Digimon with the girl or the dumper, not the dumpie"

"You can't believe it, what about me! I'm the leader of this group and the most powerful," Agumon says.

"So what do we do now?" Gomamon asks.

"Go look for other girls."

"No seriously, what do we do now? We don't have girlfriends and have you ever really seen another female Digimon? Plus there's no one to save from evil! HELP ME MAN I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO!!!"

"I'm the leader, I'll think of something soon. Wait I know! Na, it's not legal."

"I'm gonna die from boredom!!!" Gomamon screams.

"Whoa chill dude," Matt tells Gomamon as he and Gabumon walk over next to them.

"Hey where's everyone else?" Gabumon asks them.

"No clue and don't care," Gomamon replies.

"TentomonPalmonBiymonareonadateandTaiandSorainacavedoinggodknowswhatandT.K.KariPatamonGatomonarefightingovernothing, now be quiet so I can think of something to do!" Agumon quickly shouts.

"Geez, Gabumon why is everyone so weird today?" Matt asks him.

"Yes, it is strange isn't--"

"QUIET I'M THINKING!" Agumon yells.

"--it."

Matt yawns and tells Gabumon that he's going to take a nap.

"Okay, Matt," he whispers for fear of Agumon yelling again.

Gabumon sits down next to Matt, but soon gets bored and wanders off to find the others.

"Ugh, I need a new day job."

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A/N ~~ Meow! Don't worry it's all most over, but some catnip is waiting for me. Hope you enjoyed it and send me everything on your mind! 


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